Merry, not money: how to avoid family rows about finances at Christmas

At a glance

• Money is a frequent cause of family arguments at Christmas – often caused by people not talking calmly and openly with their loved ones about finances.
• It’s important to have family conversations about money – so it can be helpful to do this before the festivities start when everyone’s in the right frame of mind.
• A financial adviser can sensitively and expertly help guide those conversations so everybody can achieve the outcome they want.

For many, Christmas isn’t just about festive cheer, endless charades and falling asleep in front of Die Hard. Whether you actually celebrate Christmas or not, the holiday season can be an occasion when family comes together – possibly for the first time in a while.

And it’s often at these moments that we notice the passing of time – as children grow up and parents grow older – prompting us to think about some of the important issues that might go overlooked during the rest of the year. Issues such as whether your adult children might need help financially, or what you’d like to happen if you’re no longer able to care for yourself.

But when families get together and feelings run high, unresolved grievances can bubble to the surface – and money is a prime catalyst for arguments. (Well, maybe that and whose fault it is that lazy Uncle Brian has invited himself round again and won’t lift a finger to help.)

So, in the hope that we can do our bit to help everyone have a more harmonious Yuletide – or any other celebration for that matter – here are some tips to prevent your family finances becoming a cause of strife.

Choose the right moment to talk about money as a family

It’s essential for families to talk openly about their finances – and the best way to do that is to sit down together and have an honest and calm conversation, where everyone has their say.

However, because relatives tend to spend several days cooped up together at Christmas, tensions often come to the fore – which rarely results in the right atmosphere for a successful discussion.

If anyone does bring up a tricky topic over the turkey – such as how and when money will be passed down the generations, or who’ll inherit Auntie Edna’s beach hut – don’t ignore the topic or sweep it under the carpet. Equally, don’t get drawn into an argument about it – especially if anyone’s been overdoing the sherry. Instead, acknowledge what they’re saying and gently suggest you arrange a date in the new year to sit down together and discuss the matter when everyone’s in a more appropriate frame of mind.

Try to agree on your most important financial decisions

When it comes to fights about finances, often people aren’t arguing because of a shortage of money – it’s usually that they’re unable to agree on some of the important decisions they need to make as a family.

And arguments can get even worse if the situation is complex – perhaps in blended families, or if you’re encountering a difficulty such as an elderly relative needing care.

Again, talking it through at a time when everyone’s less emotional is the best bet. You could consider doing that before Christmas starts, so the air is cleared in advance.

Seek expert financial advice

Above all, when you do have those family conversations, seek advice from us. We have a huge amount of experience in planning and managing family finances, and can help take the emotion out of the situation if things start to boil over.

For example, by understanding everyone’s goals and examining your financial situation holistically, we can advise on the best ways to help you all get to where you want to be in the long term.

Choose gifts that keep on giving

Finally, here are some good presents that will encourage people in your family to think and talk about money in the right ways:

• A piggy bank for children. Many experts believe that the sooner a child starts to learn the habit of saving and manging their own money, the better their financial decision-making will be when they’re older.
• Also for children, the book Save Your Acorns, by SJP’s former Director of Investments Rob Gardner, is a fun way to teach them about the benefits of saving and investing wisely.
• For adults, The Intelligent Fund Investor, by SJP’s Director of Investment Research Joe Wiggins, is great for building a deeper understanding of the best methods for working towards your long-term financial goals.

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